Accused my father of saying something hurtful that he’d never said- Agreed to a foursome that led to a couple’s divorce
- Agreed to meet a girl’s parents for the first time while on a 30-hr. bender
- Allowed a prostitute to rob me of my credit card while she was performing oral sex
- Annoyed Dom Irrera to an extent he requested I be thrown out of a bar
- Asked an arresting officer if he knew “who my uncle [was]”
- Ate food out of a trash can
- Attempted to kiss a close friend
- Attempted to kiss a girl on a first date while we were looking out across Ground Zero at 2 AM
- Blamed an innocent person for something I had done
- Boasted about a number of incidents I should’ve been ashamed of
- Borrowed – and then broke – an acquaintance’s sunglasses
- Broke into an apartment
- Brought a crack addict home
- Brought a date to a bar that I was unaware I had been banned from
- Bullied someone for the amusement of my friends
- Cheated on a girlfriend
- Chipped my right-front tooth
- Created a fake email account, used it to contact someone under false pretenses
- Deserted a girl who had passed out inside the attic of an abandoned building I had led her into
- Fell asleep in the basement boiler room of an apartment building I lived in
- Fell asleep in the basement stockroom of a bar after closing
- Fell asleep on a street corner
- Fell over – twice – while serenading the crowd at a family wedding
- Fell to the sidewalk from a second-story landing (sprained ankle)
- Forgot I had agreed to go to Panama Beach with a girl until she called me at my parents’ house, on her way to pick me up
- Got black-out drunk during an after party held by one of my favorite bands
- Got pulled out of a public pool for skinny-dipping with my underwear on my head
- Got violently thrown out of a house party by one of my closest childhood friends
- Hacked into an ex-girlfriend’s email account to remove a drunken message I had sent her
- Hand-delivered a 4 AM note asking a next-door neighbor out on a date
- Held hands with a tranny who was en route to the subway
- Instigated a fight
- Jokingly passed a blonde girl a hand-written note which read, “Nicole Brown-Simpson got off easy.”
- Kissed a girl goodnight before staggering – and then falling – backward into the street
- Knocked on a next-door neighbor’s door at 5 AM
- Left a stuffed animal with a handwritten note outside a neighbor’s apartment
- Made out with a close friend’s girlfriend
- Operated a motor vehicle
- Paid for drinks using counterfeit money
- Placed a hose in someone’s bedroom window, turned it on
- Ran head-on into a concrete pillar, resulting in a jagged facial contusion, less than 10 hours before a friend’s wedding
- Sent Facebook friend requests to females under false pretenses
- Sent wrong girl a text to come meet me, then abandoned her at the bar once I realized my mistake
- Smashed a beer bottle against the front window of someone’s house
- Squirted mustard all over a close friend’s living room couch
- Staggered through a mic’d, onstage performance of “our song” in front of an ex-girlfriend
- Stole alcohol from a neighbor’s apartment
- Stole food
- Stole money
- Stripped naked and fell asleep in the bed of an apartment I had broken into
- Threatened to beat up a close friend’s roommate
- Told a girl I loved her (I did not)
- Told a judge to send me to prison
- Took the wedding gift I planned on giving someone and used it to pay my bar bill after the reception
- Urinated on someone
- Urinated on someone’s bed
- Urinated on someone’s couch
- Urinated while walking down the street alongside a girl I had a crush on
- Walked out on a bar tab after running my credit card into a negative balance
- Watched someone get beaten up by two men without making any effort to intercede
- Went home with a German girl who – in turn – stole my driver’s license, and
- Wound up in jail the morning after a close friend’s wedding.
Day 1,293
(Moving On is a regular feature on IFB.)